ina the cartolina

2006-04-28T10:10:00.000+08:00

my brother and i have decided not to buy the collector's edition of that 70's show after all. yeah, i really love the show but it's really expensive. but if anyone wants to give it to me as a gift (as if. haha), it would be greatly appreciated. I REALLY LOVE THE SHOW. except the 8th season. jackie and hyde should be together!!! gawd.

i saw a dvd of romeo + juliet earlier. it made me swoon. but i decided (with a heavy heart) against it since all i do is throw money away. there are children out there with no money to buy food or clothes and then i'm just blowing it all on pretty things. pretty things that make me happy, but still. shopping has this weird ability of making a person feel elated at one minute and selfish at the next. well, at least that's how it is for me. i wish i were super rich. then, i'd be able to afford to buy everything i want AND donate all the money i can to the poor. oh well. all i think about is money nowadays. haha. i really am superficial. i should start a club.

anyway, i feel really lonely. i mean, i hardly have anyone to talk to anymore. the only friend i talk to (regularly at least) is mau. i feel so abandoned. :

oh, and i just realized that i have 5 blogs. 2 blogger, 1 xanga, 1 multiply, 1 LJ. hahaha. blogs. haha. i'm such a freak.

2006-04-24T10:52:00.000+08:00

we just got back from our little spring break trip thing. GOD. i hate new york. it's like the worst place here. for me. i don't know why everyone thinks it's so special. it sucks man.
washington, however, is GREAT. i love washington!! it's so pretty. i want to live there. if i could, i'd migrate there now and forget about my life in the philippines and change my name to callantha and get a super high-paying job and have a super cool apartment and buy all the clothes i want. and i'd visit my parents every year of course. but other than that, goodbye past life!
but i can't do that at the moment.

anyway, you know the thing they say - grandparents never have favorites because they love all their grandchildren equally - ? THAT IS NOT TRUE. my grandparents definitely have a favorite. and it unfortunately isn't me. i'm suspecting it's my cousin, isha. isha's really adorable and charming and all but who am i kidding. she can be one big, spoiled, demonic brat. she can be really, really, REALLY annoying. and she screams at her parents and whines about the smallest things and cries to make her parents get mad at her brother in front of all of us but it's like my grandparent's dont notice a thing because they still baby her and buy her stuff and shit. i mean. GOD. of course i love my cousin (when she isn't being a brat) and i guess she really loves me (haha) because she keeps on wanting to hold my hand and sit beside me and play with me and because she says i'm her favorite anyway and blahblahblah. but still. it really doesn't help since i've been suspecting (for quite some time now) that my grandmother really hates me. sure, she can be kind, warm, grandmother-y to everyone else but there's just something about the way she acts towards me that makes me believe she hates me. it's like she loves every grandchild except me!! GOD!!! and to think i was her first grandchild. and she was the first to point out (without the subject being brought up) na i had gotten fatter. which is true, but still.

which brings me to my second point, I AM SO FREAKING FAT. i am one FAT, UGLY BITCH i tell you. FATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFAT!!! aaaaaaaaagggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i could kill myself, which really wouldn't be a bad idea because that would take a load off a lot of people. like my grandmother, for instance. (i'm not saying that my grandmother has expressed feelings of wanting to kill me) and some other people who are to remain anonymous.

yay for life! i don't know what's happening to me but i think i need to see a shrink. a real one this time. for now, i must stick to shopping for happiness.

2006-04-13T13:46:00.000+08:00

10 things i want to do before summer ends

1. leave poetry in library books
2. film a documentary
3. bake cookies
4. get a new(er) haircut
5. dye the tips of my hair purple (as if my mom would let me)
6. read the dictionary
7. watch a cheesy tagalog movie with someone :))
8. learn how to play basketball
9. actually learn something from review classes
10. find someone worth falling in love with (aww, how cheesy)

2006-04-12T02:28:00.000+08:00

i'm very bored. so here i have answered a survey. :D

1. First things first. Are you a girl?
> hold on a sec, i think i know the answer to that one.

2. Talking about guys, what's the first thing that
you notice when you see them?
> what they're wearing?

3. What are the physical characteristics you
consider in a guy?
> their eyes, smile and CHEEKS. :)) and hands, sometimes.

4. What are the other characteristics you like in a
guy?
> oh, my friends and i have made a loooong list of characteristics

5. Have you found your ideal man?
> no i don't think so

6. If yes, did his characteristics satisfy you?
> there is no him.

7. If there's one thing you'd ask from him, what
would it be?
> money. HAHA. joke. maybe umm...chocolate. or flowers. (i used to hate receiving flowers but now i love them. hahaha) or maybe a copy of the romeo + juliet movie and its soundtrack. :D

8. If there's one thing you'd tell a guy, what would
it be?
> i'm very picky. go away. (unless of course you're leonardo dicaprio-hot)

9. What is/are the things you hate?
> drug using, cigarette smoking perverts.

10. When they make promises to you, do you
believe in it?
> it depends.

11. If a guy asks you out, what do you say?
> no. it's awkward for me to be left alone with a guy. yuck. unless i have a friend with me. :D

12. Have you been on a date?
> with girls? yes of course. :))

13. If yes, how many times?
> so many times, i can't even count. :))

14. Do you like guys with long hair or short hair?
> whatever makes him look hotter. :)) trick question: am i superficial? :))

15. What kind of clothing style do you like for a
guy to wear?
> as long as he looks good in it. and clean.

16. How old would you want your man to be?
> old enough to know how to treat a laydeh. :))

17. What's one thing you want a guy to do for
you?
> drink poison when he finds out i'm dead. and when i wake up because i'm not really dead, i see him dying and i stab/shoot myself. sound familiar? :)) pero seriously, i want someone to watch romeo + juliet with me. :))

18. Would you want to have a boyfriend?
> maybe

19. Do you want a guy taller than you or not?
> taller of course. :)) (even when i'm wearing heels. hahahahahahaha)

20. How do you want a guy to express his
feelings for you?
> i don't want touchy-feely (haha mau). i want someone subtly sweet. (thanks mau?:)) )

21. How you do want guys dressed?
> depends

22. How do you want a guy to treat you?
> i'm not sure yet. :))

23. What do you hate about guy's way of
showing/telling his feelings?
> being too open about it. or too umm...closed? :)) wow, labo. :))

24. What would you prefer: ugly but kind or
handsome but hollowhead?
> that's a tough one. :)) i guess you can change a person's view in life/personality even if he is a "hollowhead". :))

25. If ever, would you consider your guy best
friend to be your boyfriend?
> no. yuck. that's sick.

2006-04-11T12:05:00.000+08:00

i LOVE movies. especially romantic ones. (even if they make me feel very, very, VERY lonely)

if i were to be asked what movie has affected me most, (no one's asking but i'm saying so anyway) it would have to be romeo + juliet. (yes, the one with leo dicaprio and claire danes) not because leonardo dicaprio was incredibly hot in that movie; (well, maybe that played a little part in my reaction to the movie) but because of the words, the music, the characters, and basically the concept of their tragic ending. it MOVES you. i could actually feel the emotion in each line and touch and look. GOD. i'm such a hopeless romantic. but still. i love the movie. you just fall in love with every encounter romeo and juliet have. it made me cry.

another movie i have watched, (just a few hours ago actually) which also um, moved me, would be before sunset. at first i thought it was the prequel of after the sunset because, well, it definitely sounds like it's the prequel. turns out before sunset is actually the sequel of before sunrise. (which i have got to watch. i don't think i'll be able to fully appreciate the movie unless i've watched the first one)
anyway, a few minutes into the movie, i began to think that it was kind of boring because it basically just revolved around a conversation between two people. in fact, that was the whole movie. just the two of them talking until the end. (which really surprised me because it was only about an hour and 20 minutes long; and i watched the credits roll by, thinking that something must come after the credits at least. but nothing came) i'm not saying it was a bad film. the script was great. maybe they did ramble a bit but that's what makes the story seem so real. and like claire danes and leonardo dicaprio, you could feel their characters. like they weren't 2 people payed to act like they were ex-lovers who lost contact and never forgot about each other ever since. they were real people who meant what they said and did.

haha, i'm such a dork.

anyway, if you want to read the script of before sunset, here's a link. it has a few errors and it doesn't really indicate which character said the lines but here.

3 cheers for hopeless romantics.

* i love the song kissing you by des'ree. if a song could make me cry, this would be the one. it really captures the whole essence of the romeo + juliet movie. i want a copy of the soundtrack. :D

2006-04-10T12:19:00.000+08:00

yay we're back!

i shopped till i dropped. :D and i wasted a lot of money.

but still, i'm happy. shopping is a girl's best friend.

ANYWAY,

we went to mass earlier. wow ha. their church is like so sosyal. so it made the whole Palm Sunday experience....cooler i guess.
they had a basket (or two....or three) of palms at the front of the door to the Church (but not outside the church mismo) but they were all simple and boring, unlike the ones in the Philippines. but still, they were free. haha. :P

and then, there was this family, all dressed up. the little boy was so adorable! he had a tux on. hayy. :">

and while we were eating lunch earlier, the hottest nerdy guy ever walked in, with his mom. God. he just had that video game-playing, comic book-reading, mom-loving aura about him. and he was so hot. gawd. nerds are hot. :))

oh, and umm... 6, or 5? (i'm not sure) days before my birthday!

sweet 16, here i come.

speaking of birthdays, have a happy one diane! i love you! :*

2006-04-07T10:36:00.000+08:00

rrrr we're going to boston tomorrow...
rrrr i probably wont be able to go on line for the weekend.
rrrr we went shopping again today.
rrrr i wish i bought those pair of shoes...
rrrr and that pretty bag.
rrrr but i already bought a lot of things.
rrrr my head hurts...
rrrr a lot.
rrrr and i feel sick.
rrrr my nails are now hot pink.
rrrr i am still miserable.
rrrr i want more money.
rrrr i am freaked out.
rrrr i miss ___. but i certainly don't miss loads of other ____'s. heck, the first ___ is the only person i miss.
rrrr haha i suck.
rrrr and i keep on growling.

rrrr. rrrr. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

oh look. a knife! just one super swift plunge of the super shiny, super sharp blade and off to deathland for you. oh dear. oh gosh. oh my.

i'm sorry Lord.

2006-04-05T10:06:00.000+08:00

it snowed today!!!

i guess making the size of this text smaller wouldn't really matter because it's really easy to just copy it anyway (and i dont know the code for anti-highlighting/right clicking and i'm too lazy to look for it) but then again, who would even try? to whoever even bothered to try to read this, you might think that i could've just saved this entry as a draft or written it down and hid it somewhere private if i don't want anyone to read it. but i guess there's just some twisted part of me that wants other people to know how they make me feel.

sometimes, it's kind of reassuring to lie to yourself and pretend everything is ok. and when you're feeling a bit sad, you say it's just one of those flashes of emotion everyone gets, the types you feel for no apparent reason at all. but who am i trying to convince? my sadness didn't spurt out of nowhere. some people might think i'm shallow or emotionally unstable or (slightly) insane, and maybe i am all three but that doesn't mean i don't feel sad for no reason at all.

i guess the reason why it's so easy for me to make fun of myself is because it's the lightest way for me to voice out my insecurities. most people, if not all, just think i'm joking when i insult myself or others would think i'm just "fishing". but maybe i am, in a way. i need some sort of justification to prove to myself that i am not useless or ugly or unwanted. but guess what; it doesn't work. i still feel unimportant and useless and ugly and unwanted. every little thing my friends did, or didn't do for that matter, make my questions more resonant. am i not good enough? would they be better off without me? would be they happy if i were gone? isn't anyone going to cry in my funeral? would anyone jump for joy if they found out i was dead?
and sometimes i'm afraid to consider the idea that maybe the answer to all my questions is yes.

i am so sick of hanging out with people who make me feel bad about myself. but then again, if i stopped hanging out with everyone who made me feel bad about myself, i wouldn't have any friends left to hang out with. and i am sad to admit that one of my biggest fears is being left alone.

yay for me!

and my fingers froze. :D

2006-04-03T11:23:00.000+08:00

i am very, very pissed off.

and miserable.

why is life so unfair? why is my teacher so aggravatingly biased? why do people who hardly put any effort in their studies and don't even pass requirements pass the subject? and why do they even get a grade like B- and not a C or C-? (i know it's mean for me to say this but still) how can people reprimand me from hundreds of miles away? why do they even do that? why do they keep on assuming things? WHY WHY WHY WHY!??!?!

ARGH.

my night is officially ruined.

2006-04-02T13:29:00.000+08:00

jologs adj - uniquely cool

HORK&PORK CO. is sponsoring the JOLOGS COUNTDOWN, a video/list of the top10 most jologs people within the radius of the HORK&PORK radar.

here are the nominees:

iya
monica capuyoc
monch
crissy
berns
mau
ina
mita
audrey
kev

and you can kick one out of the glorious position of being in the top10 most jologs people by voting for any of the 5 extra nominees whom you believe is more deserving of the position:

mau's sister
emmet
karen
diane
rashmi

to vote: IM/tag your top pick as the jologs king/queen to any of the members of HORK and PORK CO. multiply votes are allowed.

*note: if ever you find being a nominee insulting, please just contact us immediately. but seriously, it is an honor to be recognized as jologs.

2006-04-01T13:50:00.000+08:00

it's so hard to type when you're wrapped in a blanket. i look like a giant sushi. with hands! :D

anyway, i'm getting better at playing basketball. :)) the arcade game anyway. but since the game is in the garage, i end up freezing my butt off before the first game even ends.

oh! and we went shopping today! yeay! :))

and! the people here are so friendly! earlier, while we were grocery shopping, there was this (old) guy who smiled at me and said hi. it's so fun to smile at people who smile back at you. :))

________________________

wishlist:

videocam
more clothes
shoes
carebear watch
fairly odd parents lunch box
season1 of veronica mars
e-cards
money
the beatles anthology
world peace of course. :))

seriously. i want e-cards mehn!! it's really fun to receive e-mails you can actually read other than messages from multiply or whatever.

quotable quote: "chocolate means facing your fears!" -kevin/freak

2006-03-29T13:08:00.000+08:00

i am getting addicted to veggie tales. jussel was right. it's a really cool show. :P

in fact, the only song my mind seems to be capable of playing (over and over) as of this moment (and the past hour) is the theme song of veggie tales.

ANYWAY

my hands are cold. i can hardly even type. and all i have to talk to is monch. gawd. i stayed up this late just to go on line and talk to people only to find out that no one is on line.
(and it's very annoying/depressing/amusing in some twisted way because he's just making me feel bad about not being able to go to frostbite)

oh, and there's this really funny mirror my cousin has. it's a pink one made to look like the old-ish mirrors princesses used and whenever you press the heart-shaped jewel button it says stuff like

"you're a beautiful princess" or
"you look very pretty"

and other things along those lines. meywgewd. that really made me laugh. talk about boosting self-esteem. :)) (something monch certainly doesn't need because his self-esteem is high enough. HAHA)

i'm bored. and cold. (and lonely.) i miss my foxy hott sugah mommas. and threethree. and bandyo. and my pasaway friends. :(

and most of all i want to go to frostbite. :(

2006-03-28T10:20:00.000+08:00

i'm finally here!

agh. i don't really enjoy plane rides. your ass ends up aching after sitting down for so long and airplane food isn't really umm...that good. but it was ok i guess.

i got to watch zathura on the way here. hahaha. :)) i crush the little kid. he's so cute!!!

i love this place. my tita immediately offered me a box of chocolates (they have a whole cupboard full of it) and they have internet!!! YESSS!!

but no one is on line. damnit. :

and it's reeeeaaally cold outside. :))

anyway,
i miss you guys. :(

2006-03-26T01:00:00.001+08:00

i got my hair cut today
it's really short
i look like a kid i think
in 29 hours (if i added that right) i'm off to the US of A.
Lindsay Lohan is hot
prom pics are up. check em out here ->

2006-03-25T19:32:00.000+08:00

"yuck. sino yung asa gitna? muka siyang evil witch." (sino kaya nagsabi nito? haha)

excuse me pero ako yung "evil witch". :))

THE EVIL STEPMOTHER OF SNOW WHITE! dun dun dun.

2006-03-23T09:10:00.000+08:00

ugh. prom later. PWEDE BA. this whole prom thing is pissing me off. i don't want to go to our prom. ARGH. AARRRRRRRGH. this is turning out to be the worst day of my life. this prom thing better be fun. because getting ready for it is the worst experience EVER.

the only thing im happy about is my shoes. yay shoes! they're so pretty. :D well i like my gown. well, the color anyway. :P

moving on to more important issues....

You did it! Working as ONE, call by call, you let our leaders know that you wanted America to do more to fight AIDS and extreme poverty-- and they heard you.

Late last week, the Senate agreed to two amendments that will add hundreds of millions of dollars to the fight against AIDS, TB and malaria and save the lives of mothers and children around the world.

Thank you for speaking up and standing by four Senators who worked together to do the right thing: save lives. Senators Santorum, Durbin, DeWine and Leahy demonstrated real leadership by doing something we don’t see everyday: reaching across political divides to help people in the world’s poorest countries lift themselves out of poverty. To see if YOUR Senators supported this life-saving funding, check out the ONE blog.

Your calls helped change minds and votes, proving that when we come together as ONE, we really can do more.

Thank you!

The ONE Team

isn't that great? :D but of course i cant see if our senators did anything. 1) i'm not even from the US and 2) our government sucks

hayy...

I AM DREADING THE PROM

2006-03-19T19:08:00.000+08:00

still hung over from watching romeo and juliet. leonardo di caprio is sooooooo freaking HOTT. *i wish i was juliet. haha*

"when he shall die, take him and cut him
out in little stars and he will make
the face of heaven so fine that all the world
will be in love with the night
and pay no worship to the garish sun."

2006-03-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

20 REQUIREMENTS OF A FOXY HOTT SUGAH DADDY

1 must be FOXY HOTT
2 must NOT be a daddy
3 must be this good at playing the guitar
4 must be musically inclined :P
5 must be smart (and do all our homework -crissy)
6 must be generous (aka rich)
7 must NOT be possessive
8 must be ridiculously good at sports
9 must be taller than us
10 must be fun and must have a good sense of humor
11 must NOT be perverted
12 must know how to dress
13 be unexpectedly sweet
14 know how to cook really well
15 know how to drive
16 follow our every command
17 be torpe but not too much (according to crissy)
18 stay up with us until we fall asleep
19 know how to dance
20 get along with our friends (and families)

in short, if you want to be our boyfriend, you must be a HOTT slave. :))

2006-03-16T10:47:00.000+08:00

oh God i love the summer.

finally, i woke up late today. i wasn't sleep-deprived nor was i annoyed and wistful. i actually had 11 hours of sleep!! YAY FOR ME! (and i'm finished with my FINAL FINAL FINAL MANUSCRIPT, TO BE SUBMITTED TOMORROW)

anyway, the VEDA OMEGA went out yesterday. the first summer adventure.

AV- we got vain while jampy, moo and stef did their oral presentation. then we went outside to look at the stuff of the lockers of the blue batch. there were a few interesting stuff so we got those. HAHA. (but the yellow batch lockers are FAR MORE interesting)

KFC- ok, while we were buying we saw 2 people we least expected to see. (oh God. HAHAHA) then they invited us to some party. then we got vain again.

BERNS' HOUSE- we sat and ate chocolate and tamarind candies and drank water. kat had her mini rocking chair with her so we all decided to sign our names on it, as a symbol of our friendship. :)) and we decided to bring rocky with us whenever we go out. haha. :P

MY HOUSE- here we watched TV and umm...watched tv.

PG- rocky's leg broke on the way but it's repairable, thank God. we just decided to play in the little kids' play ground here. :D

MEGA- here we tried on gowns. AGH. then we bought candy. :D

MY HOUSE- we got back and just ate dinner. :D

I LOVE YOU SUMMER, MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD.

2006-03-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

social sucked. i gave up. :))

*What's on Your Mind.*
The Current Present and Recent Past
What are you thinking about right now?:	chem
Who was the last person you talked to?:	diane. :))
What was the last fun thing you did?:	said nationalists make prettier pinatas
What was the last reason you cried?:	umm...self pity :))
Often Happens.
Who is on your mind the most?:	umm..HAHA.
What subject would you say you think about most?:	chem or maybe geom
What do you most often dream of?:	swallowing sim cards
Do you often day dream?:	YES
Quick Word Association.( Type the first thing that comes into your head.)
Love.:	achey breaky hearts
Family.:	daddy
Sex.:	ew.
Money.:	gimme
Death.:	snowman
Alone.:	sausage
Some Thought Sparkers.
Does the future scare you?:	depends. :))
Do you have any deep dark secrets?:	oh yes.
What is the most intriguing part of the human body?:	eyes
If someone gave you $100 dollars, what would you do with it?:	save! :D
Before You Die.
One place you'd like to go.:	hawaii
One thing you'd like to do.:	bungee jump
One person you'd want to speak at your funeral.:	justine
One thing you'd want to be remembered for.:	hmm...i don't know. :))
One thing you'd hope people forgot.:	a lot of things
More Thought Sparkers.
What would your autobiography be called?:	the amazing superduper incredibly boringly heartbreaking depressingly fun life of the muffin queen
Would it be a movie, a book, or both?:	both of course. :)) (pfft)
One scene you'd want them to include.:	umm...the ina-justine fight scene with special effects and super powers
Another scene you'd want them to include.:	happy scenes. (not the pathetic crybaby scenes)
What would it be rated?:	pg-13 i guess. :))
Wrap Up.
Who did you get this from?:	erika
Did anything suprise you about the person's answers?:	yes. kind of
If so, what?:	the buy food with $100. :))
Who is one person you'd like to see take this?:	dayanee. :))
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

2006-03-13T12:52:00.000+08:00

before i start torturing myself, let me rant a bit.

guess who our proctor was?? HAHAHA he's so cute! i crush him. :">
our geom exam was actually easy!
CL was harder than geom. (woot)
but i finished earlier. (so did everyone else)
i didn't even bother to review (knowing i wouldn't know what to correct anyway)
THEY HAVE STOPPED SELLING THE HEART-SHAPED LOLLIPOPS!!!! this is an outrage! i live on those!!!!!
and when i asked "wala na forever?" *note the solemnity* she nodded and repeated my sad words.
i still don't want to start studying social
since i have a gazillion icons and i don't even do anything with them, i'll put them here (like erika does with hers. haha)
dead stars is so cool! i love it. read it. click

"So all these years--since when?--he had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens."

2006-03-12T15:11:00.000+08:00

i am so very hopeless.

i haven't started studying for today yet. (actually, i've read a paragraph of my social book) but i studied yesterday naman eh. heehee.

i SO hate world history. why are there so many people? why do i even have to know they exist? oh sure, if it wasn't for them, things wouldn't be the way they are now but. still. they have no relevance in my life. in fact, the only thing studying world history is good for is for yabang moments. like

"hey did you know blahblahblahblah?"

and they'll be like

"oohh.. cool. you're smart. but i don't really care."

see?? and geometry!! it's not like i'd actually go around measuring the volume of some prism or whatever.

CL is hard.

Fil is very, very, very long.

chem is...weird. i'm not sure whether i find it hard or easy.

HAYYYY

i want summer now. i hope the exams are easy.

2006-03-10T20:22:00.000+08:00

ugh. this day is not a good day for me.

A. EVERYONE JUST PISSES ME OFF

i don't know why. oh God. I'm so moody.

B. my head hurt reeeaaaal bad

grabe. it was pounding like mad. i don't think paracetamol works for me anymore. my head hurts everyday now. (but so far this is the worst)

C. I looked really crappy

yes. VERYVERYVERY crappy. and my face was red. well parts of it) why is that? i look like i put cheek tint (i didn't)... but in the wrong places. :|

D. i wasn't able to follow my abstinence thing!

i chose to give up chocolate/candy for lent. (which i think you follow during fridays) but earlier this morning, i ended up eating pastillas, forgetting i wasn't allowed to. so...after that i hardly ate. and now i am in great need of chocolate. (and i have kisses and ferrero in front of me. temptation is everywhere)

(i also chose to give up C2 and softdrinks for Lent. but not only during fridays. I've been C2/caffeine free for a week now. :D)

E. i overslept

well i got home, and it was just sooo HOOOOT. so i wanted to sleep in my underwear. (HAHAHA) don't worry, i didn't. but i slept for like 2 hours. i was supposed to wake up at 4. (but i ended up waking up at 5)

F. even the tv pisses me off

well not really. but i was watching mtv earlier and this song...grillz i think? whatever. anyway the video was sooo annoying!! hiphop-ish videos are so degrading. my God! we should do a lit crit on this, using the feminist approach.

on the bright side...

A. well i still look ugly (this isn't really the bright side, is it)

B. i haven't sworn the whole day

C. but it doesn't really matter i guess since i can't even eat lollipops today. whether i curse or not

D. but this just goes to show that i have self-control

E. i lost my THE project twice this week. and I've found it both times. (it actually looks like a skirt now)

2006-03-07T19:25:00.000+08:00

SUMMER STARTS NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!

i can't even think about the exams (also happening next week) . in fact, i have chosen to ignore the fact that the exams are next week. :))

I CAN'T WAIT TIL SUMMER!!!!

agh!! adventuuuuuuuuuures!!! so many things to do, so little time.

2006-03-04T16:34:00.000+08:00

oh my God. what did i get myself into? it's just so freakishly weird in an outlandish way.
ugh.
Mau. HAHA. (hindi ko gusto mag swisuit, okey? *solid*)

anyway, we did the filming for our health project earlier. so funny. i love our group! and thanks for those who came and helped, even if they weren't part of our group. PLUS POINTS!

anyway, weird things happened today too. and i am sooo panicking. my oral defense is this monday! and i haven't started my power point presentation yet! (well i have, but only the first slide, the one with my topic stuff)

AGH!!!

*please Lord, don't let us have a panel. only miss soriano. pleasepleasepleasePLEASE*

2006-02-28T17:41:00.000+08:00

once upon a time, during the zenith of my ~~boredom~~ curiosity, i took my calculator (the type that turns of automatically after some period of time), checked the time (7:14 PM) , turned it on and started staring at the screen.
yes, i was timing how long it took before it turned off.
maybe it wasn't because i was bored. maybe my subconscious just wanted me to test my own patience.
all i'm sure of is that '0' had never looked so prominent in my entire life.

i started to get impatient. it felt like i had been staring at the freaking calculator for like, 20 years. i even took a picture of it, as a souvenier of my boredom.
then mita texted! at last, i had a distraction. (somebody loves me!) but it only took a few seconds for me to reply and it was back to staring.

then suddenly, like some psychadelic hallucination fading into nothingness, the sole character on the screen vanished. just like that.

I HAD WITNESSED THE AUTOMATIC SHUT DOWN OF MY CALCULATOR!

it was 7:21 PM. unbelievable. 7 minutes of your life seems like such a small price to pay to witness such an extraordinary event.

all hail the small wonders.

ok, so i'm a good girl. i changed my font size back to 12 before printing it. (but it was still 11 pages long. haha) anyway, yeah erika, i should've used courier new. but i only realized that after printing it. :))

noteable events of the day:

1) the word 'abweird' (above weirdness; e.g. ina) was born
2) i won the trashketball award! HAHA!
3) kuki found ms. soriano's personalized stamp. (HAHAHA)

2006-02-26T12:16:00.000+08:00

kadiri talaga. ang sabog ko. HAHA.

anyway, i'm almost finished with my final draft. i'm on my 9th page palang!! oh gosh. (ok, i cheated by making my font size 12.5 but you can hardly see the difference) so, my conclusion will take up about 2 pages so that makes my thesis...11 pages. that's about the length of my friends BODY. and that's my WHOLE paper put together. how pathetic.

anyway, i'm so not going to audition na. i mean..hello!?! bikinis?? ugh. and they're supposedly getting some people from something something agency. wtf. no way. how intimidating. :)) i don't even know how to walk properly. and i'm always so sabog and i kind of look like a drug addict i think. :)) thank you english.

speaking of english, guess who cried last thursday?? HAHA!! God, i'm so evil. but it's so amusing to watch her blurt out these pitiful things with tears in her eyes. (i'm going to stop being mean now)

la salle prom was cancelled because of the coup d' etat. poor guys. HAHA. i'm not really looking forward to our own prom. according to my sources, (psh. feeling. HAHA) the dance floor during the ateneo prom was overflowing with mushy slow-dancing couples.
excuse me but i am NOT going to dance during our prom. it's just going to be pig out/vanity night for me. :))

*i want a chocolate fountain too*

2006-02-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

this blog entry just goes to show that ina so desperately wants to avoid finishing the final draft for her thesis so she resorts to aimlessly surfing the web.

what a procrastinator.

our group is going to advertize condoms during health period on monday/tuesday! join the fun!

2006-02-24T20:21:00.000+08:00

close to you was funny. HAHA BENTA.

- thank you lenel. :) we had fun. temporary distraction. :)
- the bandmate of sam, the PBB guy is HAWTT. haha. wonder who he is? crush namin ni issa. :))
- i want more icecream
- and candy.
- lollipops are yummy
- and they make your lips really, really RED. haha. (i sound stupid)

GIVE ME LOLLIPOPS NOW!!!

2006-02-22T17:19:00.000+08:00

the J-S turn over was alright. i like the priest.

anyway, i feel weird today. again. i felt really indifferent earlier morning but right after geom class (who would've thought geom could suck all the life out of me? i used to really enjoy geometry. now it just sucks.) i felt really, really, really bad.
i don't really know why.
maybe it was all because of that stupid geom test. maybe it was because of guidance class. (which was our 2nd subject but it was still depressing) maybe it's because i looked really crappy today and looking at the mirror made me want to throw something at my reflection. maybe i'm just really emotionally unstable. :

anyway, we had the farewell party today...then i left early.

then here i am, listening to mozart and beethoven, my new bestfriends. armed with an overflowing bowl of icecream and loads of cookies and still not quite ready to take on my thesis.

school frustrates me. english just leaves me staring at the computer for hours, typing a few sentences every 30 minutes just to delete it afterwards.
geom just really, really, REALLY sucks. (from now on, i hate geometry. unless i actually start learning SOMETHING)

and oh God. i hope i don't have to defend my paper on the first or second day. please Lord.

2006-02-18T13:34:00.000+08:00

i am very, very afraid.

2006-02-14T22:04:00.000+08:00

WANTED: at least 20 roses

haha. there are so many people i want to give roses to but hey, i don't have the time nor the money to buy any. :)) but when i do, prepare for a suuuuuuper late v day present! :))

thanks to the foxy hott sugah mommas plus my other beloved friends like mita, audrey, mau, diane, erika, lena, issa, patty, theia, kris and jeje for making my day fun. :) i love you all.

i got a LOT of candy today. jabetis na toh mehn. but thanks. wow, it's almost surprising how many people know about my sugar addiction. :))

wow, i'm so not single anymore. i'm plural. HAHA. (nyek, corny)

and mita, i found your card sooo sweet. i SO love you. :)) and yes, i will not forget our plan. *kiss*

P.S. i want to know what you think of me. :) http://kevan.org/johari?name=cartolina

2006-02-13T19:55:00.000+08:00

oh my God i'm pathetic. :))

it's been 2 months now. HAHAHA.

i have 7 little red spots on my calf. (insect bites?) if you had imagination and you connected all the dots, you'd see a deformed heart. HAHAHA.

i have to finish the draft for the intro and body of my thesis. HAHA.
i have a geom quiz tomorrow. i hate geom. HAHA.
i still don't know what we're going to do for health. HAHA.
i don't know what the hell is going on in social. HAHA.
our fil presentation is this wednesday and none of us know how to draw. HAHA.
our Cl presentation is this thursday. at least i'm prepared for this one. HAHAHA.
our chem long test is this friday. YAY!

it's valentines day tomorrow! i wish i had my rodeo romeo. :)) *pathetic*

2006-02-12T15:00:00.000+08:00

i've been singing this song for so long now and the lyrics had never been as important to me as they are now. :))

my boot scootin baby is driving me crazy
my obession for a western
my dance floor date
my RODEO ROMEO
COWBOY GOD FROM HEAD TO TOE
WANNA MAKE YOU MINE
better get in line
5678!

i am currently in love with my rodeo romeo. :))

2006-02-11T12:47:00.000+08:00

oh my God.

putek. :))

my wish list has been updated. (right, diane? hahaha)

2006-02-08T19:13:00.000+08:00

in the still of the night
i held you, held you tight
coz i love, love you so
promise ill never
let you go
in the still of the night

God. I love old songs.

i finished reading stardust yesterday. thank God i read it during homeroom, lunch and social or i would never have finished it yesterday. haha. it was AMAZING. i love it.

AND

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm so happy!! thank you freakmate and kuki from the darkside!!! I'M IN LOOOOOVE!
hayyy... *happy sigh*

he is waaaayyyy out of my league. why am i so unlucky? oh well. i have 15 minutes to stare. :))

and yes, i still hate school. but i do have my own copy of el fili's gabay sa pag-aral now so hopefully, having a new, highlight-free book will motivate me. :))

please God, i pray that when i wake up, it will be friday already. pleeeeeaaaaaaaase.

2006-02-05T16:21:00.000+08:00

woke up at 1pm. everyone was gone. lunch. watched tv. parents got home. sudden rush of nostalgia.

this is what i hate about being alone in our living room while the sun is still bright and shiny. :

i get stuck thinking of my gradeschool years, with my heart all aching and longing, where my biggest worries were as trivial as getting home late.
school was easier then. it almost makes me wish i could go back and actually study harder so i could've gotten higher grades. i used to think memorizing 70 scientists and their achievements was impressive. but then i entered high school.

don't get me wrong, 3rd year is easy. if it wasn't for all the projects and homework and geometry plus the incredibly abrasive teachers *cough*grace*cough* we have to deal with, i wouldnt be typing this.

i'm so sick of school.
i miss being younger and shallower and carefree - when school ended before lunch and i got to watch sesame street everyday in my parents' room.
i miss 7th grade math and all the funny projects we had to do in other subjects, which i used to find challenging.

what a stupid kid i was.

now, we have to stress over college and what course to take. i, being the worrying nerd that i am, keep on stressing over how my grades aren't good enough for some university but i still can't seem to get myself to actually start studying.

as in, real studying. the reading all your books and memorizing all important terms and names and practicing this and that equation till 3AM kind of study.
yeah, i don't think doing that is really necessary but it is the most definite way to get those yellow cards during our honors assemblies and acceptance letters to UP and/or ateneo i can think of.

but still i cant bring myself to do it. what is wrong with me?

2006-02-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

i think my crush finally broke up with his girlfriend.

all i can say is (despite how mean this may sound and yes, there is that little thing called karma)...

YES!!!!!!

thank you Lord! i'm beginning to love this month. :)) well, i hope they really did break up. i need confirmation. :))

and before you can say i'm breaking the rules of lesbianism, may i remind you that my 15 days as a lesbian are over. and i pretty much sucked. its weird. i got more lesbian comments before i even started my 15 days.

this also means i can crush on eric dill, the incredibly hot vocalist of the click five. :))

putek, ang landi ko. :))

what a surprise, this year, i'm actually excited about valentines day. :)) can't wait till our date hunnypies. :))

2006-02-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

dorky pictures from earlier..:P

more pictures in my multiply ;)

watch the newest video if you want me to tell you i love you. :D

I HAVE A DATE FOR VALENTINES NA!!! :)) actually, i have lots of dates for valentines already. :)) yaaayy. love you sweetiehunnymuffinnoodle pie and spicysugarplumpuddingprincess and buttercupbaybeh and mooboo. :)

2006-02-02T21:48:00.000+08:00

i'm going to go with the whole "feb is the season of love" and all that valentines crap as soon as i find a decent layout. :))
unless you can give/lend me an installer of adobe, i can make it myself and i WILL love you forever and ever if you do. :D

a poem i wrote from the 1st quarter:

chemistry

you are like the scientific notation
coz you are part of my heart's equation
when i look into your eyes that look like jewels
i feel a burst of energy like a thousand joules

being with you has no relative error
it feels like paradise, like walking by the sea shore
loving you is no difficult test
coz nature brought us together and nature knows best

loving you is my destiny
coz with you i feel lots of chemistry
the friction of our hearts rubbing together burns up inside of me
i just know you and i are meant to be.

gawd i'm such a dork.

nerdy and loving it. :))

2006-02-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

its finally feb, supposedly the most "romantic" time of the year. haha. yuuuck.

will you be my valentine? *blink, blink* HA, HA
i am currently addicted to the heart-shaped lollipops in the caf
i'm selling pastries tomorrow!
happy birthday issa :)
i look crappy in pink. :))

2006-01-31T17:12:00.000+08:00

oh yeah, the medical-dental mission was kind of fun. even though we weren't really the ones who assisted the doctors and dentists and whoever.

we met 6 kids. and they're all directly related.

2006-01-31T13:26:00.000+08:00

i feel so useless.

the problem with trying to be a nice friend (or sister, daughter...person. whatever) is that sometimes, you just get tired of it.
i'm sure this doesn't apply to everybody but, i'm sick of trying to be "nice" or "fun" or fucking "thoughtful". it just doesn't seem to be worth it. sure, seeing how "happy" you make other people feel (temporarily) leaves you with some warm, fuzzy feeling or some shit but after a while, you just feel used and unappreciated.
i know that true niceness is doing good to others without expecting anything else in return, but to do all you can to make other people actually like you or appreciate your efforts only to get forgotten at some point is just frustrating.
you begin to question yourself and your self esteem starts plummeting again when you see how genuinely loved other people are and you can't help but feel unloved.

and i hate being alone because it just gives me the time to think about my pathetic existence in this world and how, even if i wanted to make some kind of difference in other people's lives, it would never be enough.
i don't need anything in return. i just want a little appreciation. but i guess i'm not significant enough to receive even that.

God. i'm such an expert at putting myself down. :))

2006-01-30T20:13:00.000+08:00

quiz time!!

You are a Mild Mama

You don't have to be screaming at the top of your lungs to have a good time
You rather chill, soak in the moment, and appreciate life for what it is
Guys appreciate your "take life as it comes" approach...
(Though they wouldn't mind if you got a little wild from time to time!)

How Daring Are You?

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Picky

You have no problem attracting guys - and even dating a little
It's just around second or third date time where you start to see faults
If a guy isn't near perfect, you're not into him.
It's good to have standards - but yours rule almost everyone out.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

You Are Fall!

Thoughtful
Expressive
Creative
Poetic
Smart

What Season Are You?

Men See You As: An Attainable Challenge

You know how to make your man crave more of you
But you also know when to show some interest back
You're good at keeping your guy guessing
And over time, you'll let him know how you really feel

Are You a Challenge?

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!
Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.
If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.
You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

You Are Aphrodite!

A total shining star with a ton of admirers
And no wonder: you live life to the fullest!
When things get bad, you can easily take off to a happier place
But occasionally, you need to deal with problems head on

What Goddess Are You?

You are Maryiln Monroe

A classic tortured beauty
You're the dream girl of many men
Yet they never seem to treat you right

What Famous Pinup Are You?

2006-01-30T14:27:00.000+08:00

*sudden urge to go shopping and spend all my money*

there are so many things i want to buy. this may sound superficial but, i wish i was in my early 20's with a super high paying job so i can buy everything i want. :))

2006-01-29T22:55:00.000+08:00

INA and MAU were chatting earlier and have come to realize that no one is content with what they have.

a list of some things that do not content INA and MAU:

1)INA and MAU's looks (although INA doesn't see why MAU wouldn't be content with her looks)

2) boykind (so they chose to become lesbians for 15 days, 20 for MAU)

3) INA and MAU's grades (INA think she speaks for not only her and MAU here but for every junior in MCHS, except all the honor students)

and this is because INA and MAU are the presidents of the HORK and PORK co.
(although INA would understand if the readers cannot fathom the meaning of the previous statement)

the highlight of INA and MAU's discontent would be INA and MAU's arguing about who has the better eyes.

and that would be MAU. doe-eyed and beautiful. *nudge nudge*

note: this is another attempt to prove to MAU that she is not ugly. :D and therefore not worthy of the presidential position of the OPC. :))

just kidding. ;)

*i'm sorry God. but i do try to look at the good in everything. :)

2006-01-28T10:24:00.000+08:00

i'm a "volunteer" for the medical dental thing. ha, ha.

i actually don't know how it happened. i just received a letter (which i'm supposed to give my parents) saying that their daughter volunteered to help and they should be proud, blahblahblah..

but i don't really mind, i like it better this way anyway. after all, being a social worker is among my career choices. :P

the part i DON'T like however, is the part where we have to be in school by 7 30. okay, so we don't have classes on that day. why do i still have to wake up early?

see you there mita!! i miss you na. :(

oh well, can't wait til after the prom so i can get my hair cut short. hack it aaaaaall off! i'm tired of the way i look. (everytime i look at the mirror i have the same reaction. hahahaha! moo! "putek ang panget ko" :P)

(sorry God. everyone is beautiful, i know :P)

2006-01-26T18:11:00.000+08:00

say no to school! say no to *bleeeeep* and *bleeeeeep* and *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

haha. :D

i don't like my grades. rarrr. i'm going to kill you. :) haha. :)
because i deserve higher than a B. haha, in denial. :))

but i do.

2006-01-24T17:56:00.000+08:00

i really, really despise geometry. *growl*

but now that i've read the book (during social class actually. ha, ha) it's muuuuch clearer.

but i still don't like social studies.

anyway, i was really bored, and i was attacked (i probably got in from denica) by AIDS. (as if doing something. nyek, corny) so i made a list!

10 pathetic facts about myself

1 I daydream about math equations

2 I enjoy insulting myself

3 I can balance a toothpick on my eyelashes

4 Ants frighten me

5 I count by eights while i drink

6 I cant shoot a ball of paper into the trashcan,

even if im only three ft away from it

7 The act of adjusting my shoe is enough

to make me fall on my butt

8 I trip over an average of three bags a day

9 I hide my things in places i'd never look

just to piss myself off when i need to find it

10 Sugar is my own version of rice

yes, i know. very pathetic. :)) i think this captures the essence of my clumsiness, hyperactivity and ultimate weirdness.

2006-01-21T12:00:00.000+08:00

happy birthday mita babes. i love you. :)

i think this is my fourth day of living a lesbian life. i kind of suck at it. :))
anyway, yesterday, i had my dental appointment (oh yes, green teeth) then it was off to mita's lola's house for her party!
they have their own gate to ateneo, with a bridge and everything. hahaha, cool. :))
i think the guards were laughing at us when we started taking pictures..
oh well.

then...we went to pat's house to get ready for the luau...
blahblahblah

then we went to the luau...
oh gawd. the luau was...not really that luau-ish i guess.

but there were parts when i had fun. like the time when we played hide and seek. [haha, i'm sorry mau, i didn't mean to pull down your top. :))]
and when ice started breakdancing. yay for shelley! :))
oh, and when crissy, berns and i proposed to each other. :">

then the rest of the time we just ate and talked. gossiping is fun. :))

and we have new friends i think.

HA.HA.

theory: boring classes increase your growth rate.

why: boring classes have the tendency to lull even the most responsible students to sleep, no matter how hard they try to keep their bright little minds awake. it is a known fact that sleeping is a big factor for growth. so the next time you see your extremely boring teacher with a voice as soothing as a lullaby, give him/her a BIIIG smile and thank him/her for helping you grow. :D

(because height matters. *dun dun dun*)

kidding. ;)

2006-01-17T20:22:00.000+08:00

i have decided to practice lesbianism for the next 15 days for the ff reasons:

1. girls are more attractive than guys
2. girls have more stuff to talk about
3. girls are just plain BETTER than guys
4. I have given up on guys anyway
5. guys suck
6. girls are not cheats and liars, they're not a big disgrace. they won't tell you anything to get to 2nd base
7. girls are smarter. :D
8. girls put more effort into how they look...whereas boys...whatever
9. girls look good in boys' clothes. boys on the other hand would look stupid in girls' clothes.
10. lena dared me to. and i practically am anyway. HAHAHAHA

i love balancing chem equations! yeeeeeesssssss!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-14T11:22:00.000+08:00

haha. i'm such a blog freak.

i don't want to go to the family day. it's so stupid. i don't HAVE anymore green shirts. damn stupid dress codes and mga pausong kailangan sumuot ng batch-colored shirt.

the intrams were fun. and a bit frustrating. but very, very exciting.

we were able to find blue batchers who disregarded the rules and brought cards anyway. hurray for them! because of their generosity (and probably fear) we had cards to play with and chase the boredom away! :)) except i think the folds in the 4diamonds cards was our fault. but you guys are rich anyway. go and buy a new deck of cards. :))

boo to all the rule-conscious people. cards are fun. why don't you bring cards to school anymore??
and don't ask us the same question.
if moo hadn't gotten an eye infection, we wouldn't have had to hunt for cards in the first place. :))
and the cards she had were much cuter. :))

oh, and thanks to the other blue batchers who lent us the harry potter uno cards when we got desperate. even if the deck wasn't complete. and you took it away from us before we could finish our game because the actual owner of the deck had arrived. we had fun anyway.

i ate 7 cones of icecream yesterday! i think that's kind of an achievement because i ate at least 10 cones (i think) during the last day of our intrams last year. i heart cheese flavored dirty icecream.
and i don't care if dirty icecream is actually called that because it is dirty. it's yummy. if it's yummy, eat it. and i'm still in the barquillos phase.

i want barquilloooooos. it's so yummy and milky and crunchy and chewy and melty...
i think i want to go to school just so i can buy barquillos.

and i slept early last night! 10 30!!!! this is AMAZING. i woke up at 8 pa. eight in the freaking morning. all by myself! that is what you call an achievement. except i fell asleep again and didn't get up until 10 40. :))

and i still don't know what to wear. and i think i have to go take a bath now.

blah

2006-01-13T20:50:00.000+08:00

i'm such a shallow bitch.

i've been thinking of all the bad things i've done. (well not all since i've probably forgotten about most of them)

when is this guilt trip going to end??

2006-01-12T21:17:00.000+08:00

homeigaaaaahhhhd.

what a crazy day. well, not really. i was able to eat more icecream tho. :D but not as much as i normally do... oh gawd, what a pathetic thing to talk about. :))

i got my heart broken 3 times this day! but i still love you iya. :)) and thank you sweetcake. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HATE ANTS. :)

xoxoxoxo

2006-01-11T21:05:00.000+08:00

i'm so selfish.

nothing i have satisfies me. i'm so absorbed in my own useless problems when there are kids out there, locked up in jail (for stupid things like littering and crap), drinking dirty water and wearing the same set of clothes for 10 days straight. because its all they have.
i always end up feeling guilty and crying after watching movies or documentaries about suffering. i've always wanted to make a difference and you know, help people. but i cant do this alone.

gawd. can i get any cheesier?

i have a new backpack. :D powerpuff!

2006-01-10T19:49:00.000+08:00

i have a new lunch box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks jampy. you made my day. :)

AND! intrams tom! go green!:D

2006-01-09T21:40:00.000+08:00

i'm confused.

and very, very irritated.

i think i like him but then again...ugh. how can i like someone who'd probably choose a computer game over me?

this is pathetic.

2006-01-06T21:05:00.000+08:00

that was the funnest field trip ever. :))

discoveries:

1) my tupperware can hold up to 432 cheerios

2) i can fit 21 marshmallows in my mouth, berns can fit 23 and crissy can fit 26. :))

3) counting is fun

we were the last to get back to school. 7 io think? or 7 30. whatever.

2006-01-04T20:26:00.000+08:00

guess what??

it's our chem make up long test tomorrow! on chem equations! i can't wait! every night of the Christmas break was spent going over the kinds of chem reactions. every night, i'd lie awake in bed, thinking to myself, metallic chlorates will yield a metallic chloride and oxygen gas when heated, and so on.

not.

i have studied for the chem make up long test which was supposed to be taken last year but our teacher went ahead and said we'd have to take it this year.
after the freakin Christmas break.
believe me, watching movies and eating popcorn all day isn't really any help if you're trying to ace a long test on chemical equations.
i guess all the barney/dora/mickey mouse videos i had to watch with my little cousins brainwashed me and now i am left with only songs about birds sitting on eggs on the prettiest nest you've ever seen on a fuckin branch of a tree in freakin whole on the ground with the green grass growing all around. and yelling 'swiper no swiping!'

come to think of it, how is hearing a little girl say 'swiper no swiping' to a fox on every episode of her show educational? say that to a cell phone snatcher or robber or whatever and you're bound to be laughed at. or shot. unless s/he him/herself is a dora fan. which i highly doubt.

getting back to chemistry...

i'm going to study now. (because i've already finished the book i borrowed from ethel earlier and i have't got anything better to do. haha)

2006-01-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

sad realizations

1. i have gotten FATTER over the Christmas vacation. sadly, the junkfood/popcorn/icecream/chocolate diet hasn't done me any good.

2. school starts in 2 days i think? ugh, that means exam results, theme paper writing, training and all the other crap you can only find in high school. which brings me to another thing...

3. i haven't started my rps yet. well, i've done the research and such but i still don't have any claims. and i need a copy of magnifico, with english subtitles. or possibly the script. if only. ha. ha.

4. this is the year where i take the entrance tests to all the colleges i want to get in to

5. the prom is a sad occasion invented only to add up to the stress of hideously pathetic dateless losers. (e.g. me)

it is quite sad how i'm starting the year on a bitter note but, hey, can't help it. :)) i did enjoy my break tho, even if all we did was watch movies and eat popcorn. i missed my cousins and now, here we are. :)) i will miss oversleeping tho. and not doing any schoolwork...oh wait, i still did that. yay. but i bummed around 98% of the time so, haha!

okay, so 2005 is all over. recap on all the important and not so important things that happened to me:

1. i passed pep
2. i made new friends!
3. i made new enemies.
4. i had a great summer vacation
5. we swam with whale sharks
6. i wanted to kill myself
7. i met the biggest freakin liar i've ever known
8. i fell in love
9. i got my heart trampled on
10. bandyo :)
11. i got my braces
12. start of junior year
13. i met my threethree family :)
14. the infamous ATC, winning the WNCAA and being 2nd place in the JVC compet
15. chem and geom
16. i met you
17. the fair, UP bahay ng alumni thing, chroma...all the events
18. i got my heart trampled on again. hahaha :)) fun. :))
19. my i pod got destroyed
20. i had a great Christmas vacation

regrets:

a. i wasn't able to kill blah and blahblah. hahaha
b. our arsenic-in-cookies plan didn't push thru.
c. i didn't take school seriously.
d. i met blah
e. i fell in love
f. i kept a lot of things to myself. heeheeeee...

hopes for 2006 (oh that sounds so cheesy)

1. finally learn how to take school seriously and be able to go up the stage and receive a blue/orange card. :))
2. get into all the colleges i apply for
3. the prom won't get all fucked up
4. not get into fights with my parents or my brother
5. have fun.

2005-12-31T12:22:00.000+08:00

new year's resolutions

(another batch of resolutions to make and break...)

1. I will take school ~~more~~ seriously. erm...yeah

2. I will start reading the newspaper ~~everyday~~ as much as possible; the front page and crap, not the comics. (this will be hard)

3. I will do something brave? :)) hahahaha, yeah right

4. I will stop blahblahblahblahblah

5. I won't consume as much sugar as i normally do...

6. I will drink my vitamins everyday. :)) (maybe i should eat breakfast everyday too...nevermind)

7. I will stop bullying my nephew. T__T

8. I will not blahblahblahblahblah

9. I will pray more often..

10. I will have to stop worrying about the simplest and most useless things...

haha, censored

this will be hard

2005-12-30T18:01:00.000+08:00

something to amuse me

Popular searches in my network

1 free witchcraft love spells
you have GOT to watch out for this person

2 does my crush likes me?
i don't knows

3 KLAIRE YAPYUCO
who the hell is this person? am i the only one who doesn't know her? maybe i should search for information about her too.

4 how to get over a breakup
don't search for tips via friendster

5 Soul mate test
i don't need this. i already know who my soulmate is. haha. :))

6 tips on conversation
what.

7 virtual boyfriend
this is just pathetic

8 MY VAMPIRE NAME
THIS MUST BE INTERESTING

9 prom clothes
please don't remind me

10 free dating
do you have to pay to go on a date now? or am i just really clueless

i've been watching the two chinese guys. they're so funny i love them. especially the thin guy. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccckkk!!! i think i'm in love.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

2005-12-29T00:52:00.000+08:00

a lot of things are confusing me right now.

we have this book at home called who moved my cheese? and i've read it like, 3 times already. it's mostly about change, accepting it, moving on and shit and it says that sometimes, people overanalyze situations.

maybe i should stop overanalyzing things and should just go with the flow. whatever.

my problem with self help books is that even though i've read quite a lot that have made me think and kind of temporarily "opened my eyes", i never really found one that motivated me enough to actually go through every step you have to follow to achieve personal satisfaction and whatever crap you should earn from reading those books.
like happiness.

so i guess the thing is, i need advice but i don't really follow it. what.

i'm so stubborn.

i don't even think i made any sense.

2005-12-27T20:38:00.000+08:00

i have this urge to stab someone over and over again.

and run over two certain people with that truck thing. er... i dunno what you call it but its the one with the giant rolling pin.
wouldn't that be cool?

but then again poisoning them would be much cleaner although it won't be as fun.

everyone knows i'm not actually going to do this right? just because i hate them and i want to give them a slow, torturous death doesn't mean i'm actually going to do it. i'm not that stupid. i'm not going to throw away my life (and after life) by succumbing to temptation.

it is fun to think about tho.

ho hum.

anyway, i've been listening to this song by rocksteddy. its cool.

Lagi Mo Nalang Ako Dinidedma
Rocksteddy

Matagal ko nang gustong malaman mo
Matagal ko nang tinatago-tago to
Nahihiyang masdan ka at umuurong ang aking dila
Pwede bang bukas na
Ipagpaliban muna natin to
Dahil kumukuha lang ng tyempo
Upang sabihin sa iyo

Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam
Mahal kita pero di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita kahit di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam
Ooh? wooh?

Matagal ko nang gustong sabihin to
Matagal ko nang gustong aminin sa iyo
Sandali heto na at sasabihin ko na
Ngayon na, mamaya o baka pwede bukas na
Dahil kumukuha lang ng bwelo
Upang sabihin sa iyo

Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam
Mahal kita pero di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita kahit di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam
Ooh? wooh?

Dahil kumukuha lang ng tyempo
Upang sabihin sa iyo
Ooh? wooh?

Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam
Hindi mo alam kasi hindi mo naman ako tinitignan
Ayaw mo naman itanong sakin kasi baka nga naman hindi naman ikaw
At hindi ko rin naman sayo sasabihin kasi ayoko pa sa ngayon na manligaw

Mahal kita pero hindi nga lang halata
Hindi halata kasi wala naman akong ginagawa
Hindi ako kumikibo hindi ako nagsasalita wala

Pero hindi ako torpe
Hindi ko lang talaga masabi sayo ng harapan
Mahal kita pero dehins mo pa rin ramdam
Hindi mo ko titignan di rin kita titignan
Lagi mo lang akong pakikiramdaman lagi rin kitang pakikiramdaman
At araw araw tayong magdededmahan
Hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan

Pero ngayong malapit nang matapos ang kanta ko
Nais kong magkaalamanan na
Nais kong ako na rin ang magsabi sayo ng harapan
Kasi alam kong doon din naman ang tuloy nyan
At dalawa din lang naman ang posibleng sagot dyan oo o hindi

Kaya eto na sasabihin ko na para matapos na
At hindi na magka-tsismisan pa
Sasabihin ko na para wala nang problema
At para hindi na rin kayong lahat nabibitin pa

Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam
Mahal kita pero di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita kahit di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita kahit lagi mo na lang akong dinededma

2005-12-27T13:06:00.000+08:00

i have so many (bad) feelings i wanna let out but...

it's complicated. ugh.

there are so many things i want to say, so many things i want to do, so many people i need to talk to but i guess things are better of the way they are. no need for confrontation and shit.

anyway

i've been playing the sims a lot lately. it's refreshing to be able to control something.

sad though, how this game is the only thing i get to control while my life is getting out of hand. pfft. i'm such a drama queen.

yeah, yeah. i know there are people out there with problems bigger and more serious than mine so i'm going to shut up now.

2005-12-26T16:07:00.000+08:00

i found out about something!

(and i know it's mean for me to say this because christmas just finished and all but...)

no wonder you look like (i'd say shit but then again, that's what i am) an electrocuted reindeer!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

merry Christmas everybody! :D

2005-12-22T16:11:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

what.

You Should Learn Spanish

For you, learning a language is about career advancement and communication.
Knowing Spanish will bring you tons of possiblities for jobs and travel. Bárbaro!

What Language Should You Learn?

ooohh...cool

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

You Are Cherry Kiss Lip Gloss

You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on.
You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals.

Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have.
No wonder Cherry your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You?

YUCK.

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about...
One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeup
That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though
You have style, but for you, style is effortless

What Type of Beauty Are You?

this is funny

You Are an Orange Rose

You represent desire and enthusiasm

Your vibe: Sexy yet familiar

Falling in love with you: happens instantly - it's a fast ride

What Color Rose Are You?

hahahaha

2005-12-22T15:42:00.000+08:00

just so i have something to put in my blog...
(and because i'm really, really bored)

DESCRIBE YOUR...
[wallet] it has no money inside it
[favorite shirt] i have one?
[piercing/s] two on both ears
[hair] black. :D
[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months] SUMMER! (yeah)
[something that you are deathly afraid of?] ants. being alone. haha. :))
[do you believe in love] er..
[do you believe in forgiveness] hmm. okay. (only after revenge?)
[where are the 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?] california, thailand, hawaii? hahaha
[favorite food] a lot!
[is there something you wish you could understand better?] life
[what makes you happy] er...chocolate, shopping, money (oh wow, i'm superficial), my friends of course, and family (when my parents aren't scolding/nagging/criticizing)
[what upsets you] child abuse....nagging
[do you have a secret you have not sharedwith anyone?] yeah. hahaha (guess)

[last song you listened to] money - the beatles
[last person you've called] mita!
[last person that called you] mom :))
[TV show you've watched] i don't know
[things you were thinking about] "i want chocolate", "i'm hungry", "i want chicken nuggets" and... "i hate rashes"
[lied to someone] er...i dunno? :)
[ever been in a fist fight] never!! :)

[WHAT.. shampoo do you use] umm...kerastase specifique. :))
[what do you notice first in a guy] the outfit. (haha) then the eyes...then blahblahblah who cares
[last time you did something] duh. i'm typing right now
[what are your favorite colors] several shades of purple and green, turquoise, light pink... i like lots of colors. (except yellow and orange)
[what're you planning to do tomorrow] i have no idea
[makes you laugh the most] corny jokes. channels 24 and 25. HAHAHA (see, i'm laughing already) my friends

YES OR NO?
[you think about suicide] yeah. (haha)
[you drink beer] only when my dad lets me. but it's just...yuck
[you ride roller coasters] hahahaha.
[you write in cursive or print] Yes; I prefer print.
[you carry a donor card] erm..no
[you have a crush on somebody] what.

2005-12-22T14:56:00.000+08:00

mita!

channels 24 and 25 are the beeeeeeeest ever! hahahahaha!!

i have rashes.
ew.

2005-12-15T13:41:00.000+08:00

PISSED OFF.

last night was fun tho. yay, sunroof!

2005-12-12T19:39:00.000+08:00

i feel...weird.

like my heart was opened up and filled with nails and parasites, sucking on every last drop of sanity i have.
like someone carved all these sribbles into my mind...

my brain is about to explode.

i'm confused. annoyed. frustrated. restless.

i keep on chanting the activity series of metals and nonmetals in my head. i can't think straight anymore. nothing makes sense.

who can make sense out of scribbles anyway??

there is something very, very wrong with me.

'my infatuation with you baby is taking me on an emotional high.'

2005-12-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

oh dear lord.

chem was okay. (i guess) i wasn't able to finish the balancing part and i wasn't able to answer one item in the finding the product crap. but i got everything else (at least i hope so) and that's (kind of) good.

i hate fil. what the hell is up with the test? oh sure, think up of better ways to torture us you sadistic little teachers. but the panghalip part was ok. (the easiest part of the exam)

oh well, i fell asleep again while studying social. for some reason (gee, i wonder what) i find reformation very, very boring.
and english exam tom! (i dont even know what to say about it)

yay

2005-12-11T19:15:00.000+08:00

i'm beginning to hate my life all over again.

thank you justine. (for stating the not so obvious facts about the very, very sad reality that is my life)

2005-12-10T15:58:00.000+08:00

ina_cartolina: i hate studying!!!
ina_cartolina: who invented it anyway?????????
mita: Someone who takes pleasure in seeing innocent children suffer
mita: GAWD

i'm so sick of world history. i haven't even finished ONE CHAPTER yet and i had managed to fall asleep- twice, cook a bag of popcorn, make hot chocolate and watch tv. hahahaha

i quit!

i'm going to move on to chem... (since i already get the lessons there and at least they're fairly interesting)

then geom, because i need to.

i probably should study fil but i don't like our book. my brain fries after reading just one sentence of noli.

and english...well who cares about english? (actually i kind of do but i don't have anything to study)

oh well. i'm just going to enjoy my break.

2005-12-09T19:11:00.000+08:00

a new tattoo - urbandub

Great moments they pass by
If youre careless
Desperately trying to speak the words
Ive been wanting to say for a long time.
Tongue tied, every time I try to talk to you
In time, Ill find the right line.

Caught a glimpse of you
I tremble every time you walk by
Hopelessly trying to find a way
To be near you, to get near you.
In my mind, plays thoughts of you all the time
Ill find the right line

Ill bleed for youLike a new tattoo in my heart
Youll stay permanent

Am I too late now?
Will I find a way to get to you somehow?
Shes breaking me down again
Shes breaking me down.

i suck. haha. exams next week. i'm going to die. dear lord!!! save me!!

and...THANK YOU. you know who you are. (maybe?) haha:P

2005-12-04T20:42:00.000+08:00

fixed my blog.

i feel very, very stressed. for some reason

2005-11-16T18:10:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BORTHDAY PORK/BANYO HEIRESS/POGI/BBF/MAUREEN CHAVEZ

halavyoo. :)

i've already uploaded all the pics! http://inanonymousthesequel.multiply.com

2005-11-13T16:36:00.000+08:00

oh dear lord. wncaa tom.

i hope we win.

anyway, i went on an adventure with mau yesterday! haha :p

after training, rachel dropped us (seza, mau and i) off at mcdo but then seza left right away. we then decided that mcdo was too crowded and we headed for shakeys to eat our lunch.
i had pizza and mau had the lunch thing...whatever. she got botmoless ice tea and decided to drink it all so she could make the most out of it. several follow ups later, i had already finished my solo pizza and her glass was still empty. botomless. huh.
little boys started playing hide and seek and since we had the corner table, most of the little brats were hiding beside my seat. it was amusing to point out where the boys were hiding to make the "it"'s job easier. mau also decided to finish the entire bottle of ketchup as revengefor the absence of her ice tea.

after lunch, we went back to mcdo to buy icecream. (well, i bought icecream) we found berns and crissy there and invited them to go to write place with us.
after a long walk, we finnaly got to write place and started looking around and playing with cute stuff and trying on shades. i really, really want to buy dorky glasses. :p hahaha
anyway after that, we decided to head back to mcdo. but we stopped by cielos and hungry hippo first.
blue skies milk crackers!! halaveet!!

on our walk back to mcdo, mau and i passed by a guy carrying a saw and he really freaked us out. funneh.

katipunan chainsaw massacre

2005-11-11T20:32:00.000+08:00

oh dear lord.

i hate hate hate hate HATE you you lying asshole! and i used to think you'd never do anything like that.

liar.

burn in hell. >:P

you break my heart.

2005-11-05T21:21:00.000+08:00

lintek na bata

lintek na batang mahilig tumili,
ubod ng kulit, parang di na mapakali,
pwede bang tigil-tigilan mo na ako?!
lumayo ka na nga't baka masuntok ko ang iyong ulo!

lintek na batang takbo ng takbo,
sana'y madapa ka na ngayon gago!
bakit ba nandirito ka pa?
leche! nasan na ba walang kwenta mong yaya?!

lintek na batang walang awat,
sineswerte ka dahil wala akong hawak na sibat!
unti na lang talaga matutuluyan na ikaw..
unti nalang di mo na makikita muli ang sikat ng araw..

lintek na batang hawak-hawak ko ngayon!
kala mo ba di kita mahahabol doon?!
ngayon, ako'y may tanong sayo..
SINO NA ANG TATAY MO!?!?

by anjo. i salute you. :p

2005-10-31T13:41:00.000+08:00

i feel very contemplative for some reason.

i dunno...

i was playing with my cousins earlier and they really do watch too much tv. don't get me wrong, they're smart kids [really smart] but earlier, my cousin was "reading" me a story saying that no one could save the prince. and only dora could save the prince. [and boots or however you spell the freakish monkey's name]
then my other cousin turned on their computer toy thing and it started playing music and my other cousin yelled "let's dance to the music!"
and they started dancing and i twirled them around...

i know its weird but i love them. :p

and i have no idea why i'm talking about this.

2005-10-30T11:01:00.001+08:00

sem break naaa!!!

yeay! then again, it isn't much to celebrate for since we still have homework and reading assignments plus the "break" only lasts a week but, being away from school is refreshing. :D

the party was fun. :p teki had gotten addicted to the little sandwiches and i had gotten attached to food in general. jussell was very out of character and ash looked so cute in her outfit. everyone was hot. :p hahahaha

ash, thanks for the shoes. :p

and anjo, we will have our pizza!! haha! and donuts. :p and the milk wasn't expired [thank God]

2005-10-30T11:01:00.000+08:00

2005-10-25T21:49:00.000+08:00

i'm so going to forget about it already. i don't want to ruin the person's life anymore. hahaha. :P

anyway, ms. soriano is EVIL.

and germs are EVIL. i hate being sick. having colds usually comes with having cough so its one big crappy combo. and i feel so bad and dejected and i'm not even allowed to eat icecream AND chocolate. oh hell, this sucks.

anyway, i do love the floor of the mmr. it's so cold! i love lying down there! hahaha...not that it's better than lying down on my bed but the cool floor is a great improvement from the stupid, hard, uncomfortable CHABLES. the floor is my new best friend. :)

oh, and i hate geom! GOD! i'm so confused right now. even chem is confusing.

oh my stars. confusion is everywhere.

2005-10-23T19:51:00.000+08:00

jussell!!! don't get mad at me!! i love you!!!!!!

sige, iyak na ko. :(

on a brighter note, MC won the yaw sayaw. GO MAGIC 8!

2005-10-21T16:54:00.000+08:00

i made this quite some time ago when stef asked me to write her a poem about the issue and i was interested in the subject so i did. it has a funny title. :))

enveloped by a cloud of death

cancer sticks.
that's what i would call them
each time you turn to your addiction
you hurt not only yourself, but me
each puff of smoke you take tortures
not only yourself, but me.
you're constantly enveloped
by clouds of smoke
that pollute your soul
with your bottle of beer to comfort you
and it pains me to think you'd rather
turn to them than to me.
you are chained to them
and i refuse to believe that you would
let them control you.
it hurts me to think that you would turn
to your addictions for comfort
when you can turn to me.
isn't my concern enough to relieve you?
each whiff of smoke you take
is a breath closer to death.
and it's not killing only you.
it's killing me.

yeah, it's a bad poem [if you could actually call it that]. but right now, i just feel so bad for all the people who smoke. you know who you are. it's not impossible for you to stop.

i'm in a contemplative mood. i often mistake this mood as that of irritability.

oh! and here's another poem! it isn't mine tho. but it's really good. one of my favorites actually. :P

love me when i'm orange

yes,
love me when i'm orange
like the early morning ray of sun
never when i'm pink and in need of attention
love me when i'm orange and all i can think of is you
like a mad instrument who lives solely
to make music out of your gestures
don't love me when i'm green and full of hate
for all the trees that bend branch to touch you

love me when i'm orange
love me in your dreams
i am not in need of attention
i am only in need of you who brings out
the sun in me.

God, i love words.

2005-10-21T15:24:00.000+08:00

today is the day.

thinking about it is enough to drive me into an anxiety attack.

anyway, i woke up earlier today [even tho we don't have classes] because ate naths wanted us to start training at 7. and i needed the time to eat breakfast since i don't like training on an empty stomach [and i usually don't eat breakfast during school days]

i feel so irritable today. for some reason. however, patty and i went to mcdo after training [we were both commuting home] to eat/drink. unfortunately, mcmyx was nowhere to be found.

i have two cool new bruises. they're so red and cool. hahahaha.

2005-10-19T17:48:00.000+08:00

A-S-N [thank you geom. haha]

A 1. Vanity is the best policy
N 2. Ms. Soriano is the best
A 3. Admitting your mistakes is hard
N 4. Icecream is bad for you
S 5. Only one guy can make your dreams come true

I really, really want icecream right now. GAAHH!! and, and... GAAAHHH!!! i hate ms. soriano!!! what a pain in the ass! i have my speech tom. oh God. cheering pa tom! oh God, oh God. AND THIS FRIDAY!!!! MY DEATH DAY!!! i need guidance. and courage?

and...this sat...i think i'm going to the soiree. [i think??] my first soiree ever. hahaha! [the thing is, we had all these soirees last year, and i was allowed to go to all of them but about a few minutes before we were going to leave the house, i find myself watching tv and thinking, "bla...it's just a soiree anyway." and i end up not going. xD]
i dunno what class tho. haha, who cares? i'm going to watch tutuband at 8 so i'm going to leave early. [with berns and crissy?]

AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO WATCH YAW SAYAW!!! damnit...i really, really want to watch. GOD.

and i'm so excited! haha! chromatophobia. jus and i are going to use purple hairspray. but it sucks tho...we're only allowed to wear black and white...so no costumes. T__T

guys are like stars...only one of them can make your dreams come true

...oooh, really?

2005-10-16T15:31:00.000+08:00

ARE YOU UP FOR THE CHALLENGE?

http://inanonymous.friendtest.com

anyone who gets anything above 60 is a stalker. XD kidding.

2005-10-16T13:54:00.000+08:00

I FINISHED MY RPS 2!!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH!!

thank you God. i promise to be good if ms. soriano actually says i did the right thing.

2005-10-15T17:23:00.000+08:00

i was so excited to make a new entry yesterday but now...

i don't feel like it anymore. haha.

highlights of yesterday:

training
went to ash's house and watched them practice
went to martina's house for her party

today

training
i finally fixed my cabinet!! wow. [it took me 2 hours i think]

2005-10-13T11:53:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER!!! thank You God!!!

they sucked tho. plus, even if exams are over, that doesn't really mean i'm free. we still have RPS and that stupid speech [number 11!!! i hate speeches!] plus the songfest.
oh joy. i can't wait.

anyway, mitababes and i had a "heart-to-heart" yesterday. [wth?] actually, we didn't really have a serious conversation since we kept on laughing, despite the severity of our topics.
haaayy meatmate.
i have no idea what to do anymore. sacrifice my pride or suffer for the rest of my life? haha, okay, so maybe not the rest of my life but whatever. the thing is...there is nothing i can do about it and i'm destined to suffer for my stupidity. and no mita, i will not talk to the stupid penguin. :)) why don't you talk to it? [it! haha!]

i miss my stupid husdumb. i miss meatmate. i miss sweetcake. i miss bandyoqueen. i miss sweetiepie. i miss the bully, my evil buddy, the mad ass, tekila, kikay and bollah. i also miss BFF and paprika and basically everyone. and yeah, i miss spicysugarplumpuddingprincess and my buttercupbaybeh even tho i see them everyday. [i also miss the stupid penguin tho i wish i didn't]

i almost wish i had never met you. almost.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAD ASS MANAS! halabshoo martz! ;) sweet, sweet sixteen!

2005-10-06T16:50:00.000+08:00

sincere

don't feed me with promises
you can't deliver
your lies leave me choking,
gasping for release
from the illusions you present me.
my silly dreams of sincerity
collide with the harsh reality
of your empty commitments.
and i know not what to believe.

i hate you.
i love you.

and i'd die to receive as much emotion from you.
i'd kill to receive anything akin to passion from you.
because passion out of hate
is better than the nothingness you feel for me.
and i can only think wishfully for you to truly love me..

haha, no stealing. i did this earlier, during CL class. :p weird, earlier during geom, i was hyper and weird... like i was possessed by a retarded ghost. but by the time CL came, i was contemplative. haha. :p

anyway, social was fairly interesting. and i like chem better when sir de leon discusses in a rush. it keeps me awake. ^^ like you'd care anyway. haha.

burst of inspiration!

2005-10-04T17:56:00.000+08:00

i had a sudden burst of inspirati0n. :P during english class, of all classes. God. i really hate ms. soriano.

seductive corruption

you whisper words into my ear
sugarcoated;
they mesmerize me.
and once again your sweet lies
seduce me into thinking you love me.
you corrupt me.

_______________________

anyway, last saturday was GREAT! hahaha! go magic 8! you were great!!! FIRST PLACE IN YAW SAYAW! wooh! anyway, after watching the competition, i headed for ash's house to watch tutuband practice then we went to ateneo together. we met martina there then we watched them perform for this fund raising activity. after that, we went to shakeys and ate! :D yay for mojos, pizza and ICECREAM!!!

last sunday, we had our filming for our fil play prod. talk about humiliating. XD

and bad trip last sat!! he had his girl friend with him! gaaaaasssshhh!!! sad, really.

2005-10-02T20:43:00.000+08:00

okay. so i've calmed down a bit. and it's time for me to make a new entry, regarding my last one. [read it. it's very funny] this time, you'll hopefully be able to understand what i'm saying and now, i'm going to take fault on some things. [is that what you want you want to hear, you bitch?! hehe...sorry, i just had to say that. :p]

anyway, i must admit that i have been selfish myself. and incredibly blind and unappreciative. but what the hell? i have commitment problems. and some random person says it's because i'm not mature enough. [excuse me??]
i dunno why i'm making this entry public, for the whole world to read or, for whoever cares enough to read it anyway, but i just have to say that, yeah, i do regret some things i've done. but i guess if you looked at it in my point of view, you'll see that i actually have a reason for doing some of those things.

i seriously never wanted to hurt anyone. i am not that cruel. i do not take the sadistic pleasure in seeing people i care for suffer. but apparently, that's what i've ended up doing. i hurted that person and someone else: myself. [yes, that's right]
that's what happens when you don't take the time to think matters over. especially those as serious as this. i didn't see it then but i do now. like the [random] person said, i just wasn't mature enough. i know it was only a few months ago but trust me, it's incredible how someone's sudden disappearance from your life and the huge responsibilities you have to take at home, in school and basically, in life can make you mature over a small period of time. and i guess it's safe to say that i have matured enough for me to admit my mistakes and actually take courage in saying all this here, for all people to read.

i'm also very sad to admit that i am a coward. i run away from my problems, even problems that haven't even happened yet. i am just so annoyingly paranoid that in trying to avoid myself from getting hurt, i end up hurting myself even more and, unfortunately, other people as well. another reason for me to hate myself by the way.

the thing is, i took things for granted. and i really, REALLY regret that. i know it sounds cheesy but if i could, i'd go back and do everything differently. maybe the second time around, i wouldn't be too afraid to trust other people. i wouldn't be too afraid to trust myself. i wouldn't be too afraid to actually admit [to both myself and others] what i really do think and feel. i wouldn't keep on trying to convince myself that what was happening wasn't anything serious. maybe then, i wouldn't be too afraid to love.

but it's all in the past now and there's nothing i can do about it. it really was my fault anyway, i just wish that other people hadn't made it their business and made their own conclusions when they hadn't taken the time to listen to the whole, TRUE story. i don't even know why they'd care enough to actually gossip about it but it's their hobby, not mine.

i can never have my second chance now.

2005-09-30T19:39:00.000+08:00

my oh my. thanks to my faithful friend, i have gotten my hands on some precious information.
i don't know, i feel like beating the life out of her but part of me wants to just laugh at her face [after slapping her of course] because i kind of expected that this would happen. rather, this had happened. [i'm not talking about my faithful friend anymore]

well, you frigid bitch, if you're reading this right now, i just want to let you know that

You are such a HYPOCRITE. [like padre damaso in his homily.] how dare you say that I'M the bitch when, YOU are the real bitch in anyone's eyes. you think no one's meaner than i am? why don't you look in the fuckin mirror you blind asshole?!
i can't believe you'd say all those things when you don't know the whole story yet. how could you get all mad at me when in truth, you never even wanted ANYTHING to happen? why would you get all bitchy about me not taking it further when you were planning to sabotage it anyway?

TRYING TO HELP?? HA! saying that you were "trying to help" is like saying that you're the princess of the universe, adored by all people.
well guess what?! EVERYONE HATES YOU. you keep on backstabbing other people? well that's what you get in return you ignorant bitch!

oh, and i'm glad you know it's none of your business. but US getting YOU involved from the start? YOU got your fucking god-forsaken unproportional body involved in the whole situation you bitch! no one asked you to butt into my personal life! no one asked you to butt into his life either! and you know what, if you hadn't even butted into anyone's life, this wouldn't have happened! and you want ME to have dignity? of all people to say that to, you chose to say that to me. why don't you get some dignity for yourself you hypocritical, back-stabbing bitch?

AND YOU THINK I'M THE STUPID BITCH??? yes, i know he's nice, and i tried to stay friends with him. but how would you know that? would you care to listen to the whole thing? you only hear what you want to hear. there is just some dysfunctional part of you [well, your whole being is dysfunctional] that just loves to wreck the lives of other people. you are just SO self-centered that you want to be a part of EVERYTHING. even if it means ruining the lives of a few people or two [or three] along the way. how can you say that i'm the only one who had been a bitch to him? how could you tell me to break it to him gently when you beat me to it? and in a not-so-gently manner apparently. and i'd just want to make it clear that i did not let anyone hold on to ANYTHING.
and look here you bitch. if you think they would want to kill me, you should see my list of all the people who want to kill YOU. for all you [and i] know, they want to kill you too.

AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE TRUTH? WHY WOULD I TELL YOU THE WHOLE STORY ANYWAY??? you've got the worst reputation and you don't even know it. you are just so conceited. bitch. >:P

i just really want to strangle you right now but i guess there are sweeter ways to gain revenge. :P

fashion show

2005-09-28T17:42:00.000+08:00

i finished writing our english script already.
thank you God.

it was our fashion show earlier. hahahaha.
thank God that's over. [pictures will soon be uploaded in my multiply. ;)

and tomorrow... we have our geom long test and our chem long test the day after that.
so help me God.

and our social and english presentation plus our fil play prod plus HRR plus social-english project. oh my goodness... i don't know if i can handle this. i have to meet up with my english group mates so we can finish all our props na.
and i have no idea of what we're supposed to do for our social-english project. all i know is that it has something to do with heroes and heroes in literature. so what the hell am i going to do with that info?

the divine comedy seems really interesting. i want to get my own copy of the book so i can read the whole thing. the way dante alighieri depicted hell was just...amazing. he's got a great imagination, that's for sure. and i learned all of this from inferno. ;) hahaha...
canterbury tales [the prologue] was okay too...i guess. though there are a LOT of pilgrims. it's hard to keep track of all their names.
and merchant of venice...well, i'm in the third act now and it's getting easier to understand.

i still hate our english teacher though.

MY MOM'S COMING HOME TODAY!!!

i feel really guilty for a lot of things. oh my. [berns!!! crissy!!!]

please God!! give me the courage to do what is right.

2005-09-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

God! i forgot to mention something in my previous entry. My family and i went out to eat dinner last night and...WOW.

i must have been having hallucinations. all this stress is making me a bit delusional.

anyway, i hope it wasn't that person. just seeing the person's hair [or the hair of some person who has the same hairstyle as some other person...haha, i make no sense] makes me feel...contrite. well, not really... but i can't find the right word.

oh, and during mass earlier [during the homily i think] my mind drifted [sorry God] and i remembered The Taxi Driver Incident and laughed out loud. i must have looked retarded. haha!!

Chocolate Dip. can he be any more stupid? =))

2005-09-25T19:16:00.000+08:00

Gawd...

i really, truly hate english. [well actually, i hate the teacher] canterbury tales! inferno! merchant of venice!!! seriously, have you tried reading the cursed book???
it's just so...enigmatic. and insanely different.

anyway, we had our social action yesterday. we tutored these kids [i got steven and marlyn] then visited their houses after. it was really enlightening, i guess. they really do have lots of potential. bianca, den and i went around together and visited the families of steven, marlyn and their students [haha i forget their names :P] it's just so unbelievable. two of the moms we visited had gotten pregnant at 16. sixteen for crying out loud! i wouldn't want to be burdened with such a responsibility. not when i'm a teenager. not EVER. i do not want to be parasitically oppressed, for your information.

about today, we had fil practice today. it was okay...we talked about the background music. and stuff. and i finished the second act of merchant of venice today. and i'm half-way through the third act. and i got tired of reading canterbury tales so i just researched on the characters since we have a test on that tomorrow. great.

escape

2005-09-20T18:14:00.000+08:00

i know i shouldn't be on line right now. i know i should be reading merchant of venice or writing our english script or preparing for our fil presentation or doing my geom homework or studying for our chem long test but i'm not.

i just want, for at least 10 minutes, to forget about school. forget about our countless projects, forget about the songfest, forget about shakespeare or the periodic table of elements or proving triangles congruent or ibarra...FORGET ABOUT COLLEGE.

it's just so unfair. everything is. school...life. it's like everything i do isn't good enough. and i even have to keep in mind that everything i do in third year will determine the college i will be able to get into which in turn will affect the rest of my life.

anyway, i should stop talking about that since it is the sole reason i am avoiding school work now. another glitch in my life would be...hah. AS IF I'M GOING TO ELABORATE ON THAT. but i have mentioned it in my recent blog entries. and it is a very unfortunate problem since...well, i just keep thinking about it, thus distracting me from my studies.

mark of my patheticness: i have written about 30 reasons on why i miss...HAHAHAASIFIWOULDTELLHAHA!

and it's just so...pathetic. and to think at least a month ago i hate that person for those same reasons. not really hated but...disliked. well not really disliked but you get my point.

and so everything complicates.